


A distant likeness

by asemic



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Self-Harm, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27594616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asemic/pseuds/asemic
Summary: John Irving and Cornelius Hickey share the same bonded gems. Nothing is ever simple.Written for The Terror Bingo 2020 - "We share a burden"
Relationships: Cornelius Hickey/Lt John Irving
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15
Collections: The Terror Bingo (2020)





	A distant likeness

Rather than pluck at the edges in the hope it may dislodge, John Irving raised the hammer and brought it down. Cracks spidered across the gem’s surface but still, it remained unbearably whole. He lowered his sleeve bitter with the knowledge it would regain its perfection by day’s end. 

**BE CERTAIN OUR SOULS ARE HELD IN THESE GEMS. HAPPY ARE YE WHOSE GEMS SHINE FOR YOU ARE TRULY BLESSED BY GOD HIMSELF!**

He felt Hickey’s eyes sweep along his body like a dusting cloth to furniture, long and efficient strokes all meant to provide the man with the proper picture. Beyond his shame and embarrassment lived a seed simultaneously plunging into the depths of the soil while pushing towards the surface. Continuing to feed upon his more despondent emotions meant it may burst from his chest and choke the man to death then turn upon its shamed master. 

“Have you tried burning it out?” John’s heart tightened at the sound of his voice. Struggling to control his facial features, he finally settled away from barely restrained contempt and into a mask of displeasure. They understood their places here and, unfortunately, in each other’s lives. He hid how he truly felt in order to not provide Hickey with satisfaction beyond their shared truth. 

“I prefer if you refrained from commenting on this. So please, heed my request.” Hoping this meant the end of their conversation John spun on his heel and continued his stooped walk through the ship. He succeeded for a moment before the faint sound of approaching footsteps tapped directly behind. “Mr. Hickey, please.”

“Lieutenant Irving, sir, I felt your pain radiate from my own. You’ve tried everything short of carving the very flesh from your bones.” His eyes filled with concern and John’s cheeks flushed. Though he understood the pointlessness of hoping for another, his heart still elevated slightly while his fingers tingled with unfulfilled touch. He did not want him, but his soul ached for completion even if it came from a-a _man_ let alone one he distrusted. “You could amputate your arm though the medicine may cause greater harm than cure.” 

He considered it, dreamed of a situation where his arm may be sheared clean above the elbow. Being right dominant meant losing the left may be only a matter of inconvenience, one he’d grow used to once released from the tyranny of the gem. Hickey relaxed his posture while sinking into thought, idly crossed his arms in a way forcing his right hand to lightly cup his own mark. The pressure radiated throughout John’s limb and kicked a ball of frustration into his spine. Waves of heat reddened his cheeks then left him at the mercy of Hickey’s plain and simple words and touch. 

“I do not wish for you to be near me. Please, perform your duties and don’t have me repeat my order.” John watched in relieved silence when Hickey gave a single sharp nod and retreated away. For a moment he relaxed before the tell-tale healing tickle drew his attention back to his arm. The gem returned to its natural state while he existed in one decidedly not. 

**THE CONCEPT OF A MATED PAIR IS NOT FOREIGN TO THE NATURAL WORLD. HOWEVER, THE SUBSEQUENT EMERGENCE OF A BIOLOGICAL MARKED COMPONENT REFLECTING THIS SUPPOSED BONDING REMAINS PERPLEXING. THE PHILOSOPHICAL COMPONENTS AND IMPLICATIONS DISTURB.**

After his mother’s passing his father’s emerald green gem clouded. It grew drab until it froze in a muddled, mossy olive. From time to time his father’s eyes lost their usual keen attention and flattened while he floated away upon a distant thought. His fingers pushed against the crook of his elbow while memories swept him and his wife across time and space. Though she danced nothing returned the gem’s shine. And so he too dulled. 

For much of his life, John wondered why he remained the outlier. While the entirety of the Irving clan shared the same placement, John’s shape and color were distinctly different from their simple circles. Reminiscent of a tightly-knotted and filled in triquetra, the carmine jewel glittered and pulsed with an unseen inner light. Nothing in the natural world compared to its rich tones. A berry lost its blush when he held it to his arm. His jewel waited for its match, but none emerged from his frantic skimming of the dedicated pamphlets. None emerged until his body hummed when directing him to the orlop. 

**IT IS NOT FOR THE DIGNITY OF THE GOOD PEOPLE OF THE UNITED KINGDOM TO QUESTION THE SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF THE GEMS. ROUGHLY ONE CENTURY SEPARATES THEIR ARRIVAL. WE MUST NOT OBSTRUCT THE WILL OF GOD.**

In the low, spluttering lantern light John considered his words. For the past half-hour, he sat contemplating the flame while his fingers busied themselves. The strip of scrap paper twisted into the perfect wick, obscuring his neatly written task list. The ink smudged and left faint black streaks across his fingertips. He sucked at his forefinger until the stain greyed. If only his thoughts faded so easy. The hammer did hurt a bit, but he did not know if it was from the flesh around the gem bearing the brunt of the trauma or if the gem rebelled. The science remained contradictory as to whether the gems experienced pain or if the nerves winced with sympathy. He used the very tip of the paper to trace around the trefoil and experienced a slight thrill. Surely Hickey’s arm tingled with the same. 

Hickey. He did not truly loathe him but the lackadaisical attitude he represented. Idleness belonged not in any position let alone the well-tuned organism of a naval vessel. If one part of the rope slacked then the likelihood of the rest sinking increased. The weakest link of a ship threatened them all and John refused to allow Hickey to continue on this lazy course in life. He thought it Christian and therefore best to offer a hand and guide him. But his heart ached at every slight deviation. To discover Hickey deviated further and, upon investigation shared John’s peculiar marking in location, color, and shape became a dagger blow to the heart. 

His entire life John imagined a woman complimentary in her mildness. She understood his tendency to fall into nervous contemplation while glowing like a beacon of moral guidance if he should stumble. In turn, he provided her with a steady foundation for their love to grow. Their family thrived in the soil and took root, their branch of the Irving tree strong and eager to push towards the sunlight. It wasn’t to be like this. His entire life he planned and pushed forward, failing at times, but he dusted off his skinned palms and continued. All with the goal to be better, to improve himself in name and fortune until the time came for her to be revealed. His face twisted with grief for a life not yet lived, a cold and brutal existence if his bond belonged to the likes of Cornelius Hickey. 

With a sharp motion, he plunged the paper into the flame until it caught. Searing pain wracked his arm until his mouth widened in a silent scream. Beads of sweat dripped down his forehead, soaked his shirt while he fought the urge to remove the fire. The gem singed and smoked, but did not disappear. A sudden wave of nausea washed over him, but he forced himself to hold the flaming twist until his it threatened to burn his fingers. Into his chamber pot it went to be quickly extinguished by the sharp flow of vomit. 

**WHEN FACED WITH THEIR GLEAM, WE MUST WONDER IF WE ARE TRULY FREE.**

“It pained me, sir. I share in your desperation, but if you are to continue taking such drastic measures I prefer if you would disclose prior.” Hickey lowered his voice to force John to close the distance. Nothing may stop him from leaning forward and lay claim to his mouth. Suck the blood to the surface of his thin, flesh-colored lips until they reddened like their shared gems. But he remained stiff and still, sickened at the escalating thought. John forced himself to remember their positions. John Irving, third lieutenant and destined to be with a woman of moderate temperament. Cornelius Hickey, a caulker’s mate with a future wholly independent of John’s when they parted at the end of this journey. 

“Do you feel our shared burden, Mr. Hickey?” John wondered if he truly did. Upon witnessing a freshly washed Hickey with his shirts off and bare arms exposed, John damn near collapsed. The moment of realization, John understood from his parents’ stories, was to be a glorious moment where twin souls joined to become one cohesive flame. Permanent and all-encompassing, his father likened it to exhaling suffocating smoke and breathing in the crisp air of an autumn day. Nothing of the sort occurred for John, the moment like a punch in the gut. A man, that man, _him_. Giving a polite nod, Hickey walked past enough to force himself a moment to turn slowly and incline his head. Their eyes met and no fall air entered his lungs; the dank and humid below left him dizzy. The slow smile across Hickey’s lips made his knees buckle and force him to lean against a small crate. 

And now Hickey tapped his finger to his left arm. John’s mouth fell slack before he recovered, but too late to stop his satisfaction. Like an encroaching spider to a trapped insect, Hickey slipped a bit closer. Cigarette smoke mingled with tar and his unwashed hair. She, John’s she smelled like lavender and citrus. Sage and aired-out linens. Milk from her breast she fed to their child. Nothing like him because this mistake would soon be rectified. 

Hickey punctured his tangled thoughts with a slight cough. “I do. Weighty and full. You’ll fit in the palm of my hand and remain there for us to admire before your longing forces you to act. Sir.” He tapped the meat of his right hand and continued. “Maybe a light touch will purge the offending item from your body and end your perceived misery.” 

“You shameless beast.” Hickey remained calm though his eyes sparked with rage. John simmered with his own anger, a mirror barely containing his reflection. Rather than speak John reacted, his hand snapping forward to grip Hickey’s elbow with a wrenching motion. Making certain to squeeze the gem he gained a cruel satisfaction when Hickey cried out. They shared the pain though it rippled through John’s body with twisted pleasure. What path did God insist he take? His thumb pushed into the solid shape, the carmine trefoil John once admired for its beauty now a sign of their horrid connection. “Why you?”

“Oh, I ask myself the same, sir. Why a godly creature when the very same considers me to be wicked though I am merely good. It breaks a believer’s heart.” 

“Believer?”

Hickey nodded and adjusted his body to release pressure on his held arm, stepping forward slightly so their boots’ tips touched. “In love. I imagined my beloved may be someone,” his face drooped slightly before invisible strings forced a smile back, “not at all like yourself. With golden curls and soulful eyes. Well, I was never one to settle for what fate deemed proper.” 

“You cannot be mine, Mr. Hickey.” 

“Of course. When I touch my arm I’ll make certain my beloved experiences the pleasure. You do your best to pretend you’re numb.” He slunk away and left John alone. 

Tonight he would try a knife.


End file.
